On Being a Friend

Today I’m meeting my girlfriend who I’ve not seen in a year. We don’t visit very often , but when we’re together it’s like no time passed at all. I hope you nurture your friendships always and have the wisdom to understand the differant seasons.

‘Sometimes being a friend
means mastering the art of timing.
There is a time for silence.
A time to let go and allow people
to hurl themselves into their own destiny.And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.’
~ Octavia Butler

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Guy Time

You know ladies; I really like to support my husband when he has his guy time. He’s become good at balancing his free time between our family and his personal interests.  Sometimes he and his friends go fishing; golfing or hiking for a few days. Other times he attends the hot rod car club meeting; joins his friends for Friday morning coffee (going on 11 years now); and most recently he’s playing hockey. Men need there time, just like we do.  Give your husband the freedom to fulfill his interests; it will add value to your marriage.

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Write Your Mom a Note Today

It is so important to express gratitude to your mother (or mother in law or a woman of influence).  If your relationship with your mom is a little turbulent now, it’s vital you get the pen out right away.  As I was sorting through my moms belongings, I came across a few notes that I had written to her over the years. They were notes that expressed the gratitude I was feeling towards her.  For example, here are the words I wrote during a very difficult time in her life and on her 71 birthday:

Hi Mom,

This year is a year of new beginnings for you. Thanks for all the sacrificesyou made for all of us throughout your life. You endured a lot of hardship when we were young in order to keep our family together. I wish you happiness like you have not had before in all your years. Love you, Linda

I found this note, and others like it, in her top dresser drawer. I like to think they brought her comfort over and over again.  Ladies please, write your mom a note today.  I can’t think of a richer gift really.

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Being or Having

I was quite surprised today, when I came to realize that I’ve been focusing more on ‘having’ than ‘being’. I, myself, really strive to be and move away from the mindset of having things. At some point,  I drifted and  I’ve not been this way with my daughters.  I really want the best for my girls but I’ve been a little confused in my thinking. You see, I’ve been valuing their success more by what they accomplish or conquer rather than by their unique personalities – compassionate, caring, hard working.  I am going to turn from this wrong thinking today because my girls are worth far more to me than their efforts.  My desire is really to build them up by first accepting them for their being and secondly celebrating accomplishments.  What about you? Are you putting more attention on having rather than being?

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Become Great at Accepting Unforeseen Gifts

You know, it really is important to be a good gift receiver.  There was a time when I felt uncomfortable receiving gifts out of the blue. Then I thought about how I like to give a little spontaneous gift just because I’m thinking of someone & want to show them that they’re special to me. I realized that I needed to allow others to experience the special blessing that gift giving creates by accepting a gift graciously – with no strings attached. Now, I’ve become a much better receiver of unanticipated gifts.

Here is a story that illustrates my point better. Over the years, I’ve occasionally volunteered at a local soup kitchen.  I like to work at the coffee/tea counter because I have direct client contact. At this kitchen, it’s suggested that the client pay a dime for a cup of coffee. (If they don’t have a dime, they get the coffee anyway). I wondered about the fee and asked a staff member why the coffee wasn’t free considering the meal was. It was explained to me that charging a fee was providing an opportunity for the clients to maintain their dignity. You see, most of them have a dime. What surprised me was how generous these individuals were with their limited amount of money. If they could, many also paid .10 cents for the person behind them in the coffee line. Believe me; the clients were very happy to have the opportunity to give a gift of a cup of coffee to another. I’m always moved by these acts of kindness.

There is just something so very special about giving a gift – don’t you agree? We all need to help provide the opportunity for others to give gifts by being good receivers – no matter what journey we (or they) are on.  Have a wonderful day. Linda

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What You Hear and Say About Others

You know ladies, I have been thinking about my relationship with my mother. I am very happy for the gift of her life and the years that I had with her. I wanted to write about something that has been troubling my mind lately but could not seem to put it down eloquently.  I decided just to be transparent and share part of my journal entry June 15, 2010.

The more I think about mom and the more I have reviewed her personal things and her affairs, I realize that many negative things I thought about her were untrue. When I try to determine where these opinions/beliefs came from, I realize they were things that people in my family told me – going back to my childhood years.  I really wish my relationship with mom could have began on a clean slate. I am very saddened to now know that some of my notions about her originated by the untruths of others – wrong perceptions.  My relationship with her could have been far richer – for both of us.  I am going to try very hard to never influence someone’s opinion of another by my comments. I will strive to allow relationships to grow organically. I hope to never poison something that could otherwise be more beautiful.

Ladies, I hope you will contemplate my words and strive for the same. Please guard your mind with regards to what people are saying about others and don’t contribute negative things. Linda

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Card/Note Writing

Ladies, I can not stress enough how important card writing is.  Writing a card is a very simple way to cheer up another person’s day (or week, or month).  I love to send cards.  I send greeting of all kinds, but I like to send a note ‘just because’ I am thinking of a certain person that day. You may feel a little uncomfortable, but I promise that you will make someone’s day a little brighter.  Just think of the last time you received an unexpected card and how wonderful it felt. One of my girlfriends makes the most beautiful detailed cards, I am so happy to receive these now and then. Why not bless someone’s life today, send a card.

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Girlfriends

Today I was reminded of a very special gift that I have – my girlfriends.  My friend, of 24 years, and I went to aquasize and yoga this morning. Afterwards, we went for coffee and chatted about things on our heart.  Visiting with friends is an important part of keeping my life balanced.  I really want to encourage you, ladies, to create and nurture a few ‘soul mate’ type friendships. Remember that a healthy friendship never takes priority over your marriage or children.  If you do not have a female friendship right now, I urge you to develop one, then two and so on. There was a time when I was lonely for a girlfriend.  My children were young and I was a busy stay at home mom and wife. I met a woman, about my age, in my neighborhood and invited her for coffee.  Our children played while we visited. We made it a habit of getting together regularly to talk ‘girl talk’.  She moved away to another city after about one year. I really missed her at first.  Since that time, 25 years ago, I continue to create, maintain and nurture friendships. Some friendships last longer than others; it depends on the season of our lives. Ladies, I hope you take the time to be a friend and have a friend. Your life will be richer.

(Originally written December 24, 2009)

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Make Yourself Available

Ladies, please do not fill your life up so much that you are rarely available for a friend or family member.  Pay attention when someone occassionally needs a listening ear, assistance or a visit. Recently my daughter asked me to meet her at a store to shop together. She seemed to be a little lonely that day. Well, I was not looking for anything at that particular store; it was in an area that I am not familiar with; and I was also a little hesitant to drive that day. Regardless, I went to meet her. I really enjoyed the drive into the unfamiliar area. The shopping was great too. Afterward, we had lunch together – what a bonus. My daughter  needed companionship that day. Sometimes as women, we just have to put the wellbeing of others first. We all need someone to call from time to time. You too can be that ‘call’ person. Make yourself available now and then – you will be blessed for it.

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Being a Good Friend – Cherry Pie

You know, I am so blessed to have girl friends.  I was recently sick and my friend brought over a beautiful homemade cherry pie.  She took the time to put a lattice design on it. I really felt cared for by her deed. Her thoughtfulness made me realize how good it is to have friendships.  It really does not take much to show concern  when a friend is sick or having a personal challenge. A simple phone call can let the person know you are thinking of them.  I have heard people say ‘I knew you were sick (or lost your dog or your parent passed on …) but I did not call because I did not want to bother you’. Ladies, please do not put yourself in the position to have to utter these words.  Just pick up the phone; send a card; or do something special. Trust me; you will not be a bother. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery one year ago, I was surprised who did contact us and who did not.  Not contacting someone sends a message that maybe you did not intend.  I have never had anyone tell me that I was a bother when I acknowledged their challenging situation. As a matter of fact, I have only seen great appreciation in the twinkle in their eye. Your act of kindness will be appreciated far more than you can imagine. Start today – make the call; send the card; or make a meal.  Be creative.

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Peace Keeper

You know ladies, I can not stress enough how important it is for us to be peace keepers.  Please know this is an area that I often do not do so well in, but I do strive to keep harmony in my home.  I know of so many women who have challenges within their family and extended family who are not willing to forgive.  For me, life is so much better if I just let off and move on.  I am referring to relationships within your family that need to be mended –  caused by common misunderstandings.  Life is so much better for everyone when there is reconciliation rather than bitterness.  It is so much nicer and healthier to live in peace.  With everyday misunderstandings/miscommunications  the issue will most likely be resolved sometime, so why not just make it right – now. I was recently reminded of how important it is for me to overlook or resolve issues with my daughters. The other day we were just sitting around chatting and I realized that I am truly blessed by their presence. A calm relationship comes from the love we have for each other and the desire to keep peace.   Why not initiate healing today?

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Family Traditions

I really like to create and uphold traditions (enjoyable activities). I think it is a good idea to review our traditions now and then.  When our family was very young, I decided to have a close look at our family’s traditions. I looked at the things we did and why we did them. I asked ‘why are we doing this and do we want to do this?’ I did notice that most of the traditions came from my side of the family. Mainly because I am the woman and my husbands family is in another province.  I asked my husband what traditions he wanted to include in our family from his childhood.  We then worked on building our own traditions based on our values.  We ended some things and we started new things. Some of our Christmas traditions include: advent; decorating the tree; holiday baking; Christmas light sightseeing; and other activities. It has been wonderful creating our own traditions and seeing our girls embrace these.

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